Twisted Humor
by ElvenDestiny
Summary: Two short parodies on the unfortunate frequency of people of falling into different worlds. First, a girl falls into an adventure she may regret. Then Legolas makes a surprise visit and meets his One True Love, recognizable at first sight.
1. The Clumsy Orc

**The Clumsy Orc**

By ElveNDestiNy 

2-6-04

Disclaimer: No profit will ever be made of this; no copyright infringement intended. 

Warning: The author possesses a twisted sense of humor.  Story inspired by the sheer amount of 'falling into M-E' stories.     

*          *            *            *            *            *            *            *

It was actually quite simple.  Everything in her life was going wrong.  Her grades were dropping, she didn't have any friends, and her parents were getting a divorce this month.  Even the girl next door was jealous of her because she was beautiful.    

Three battered books lay on her desk next to the computer.  They were the only things that could help her escape the misery and abject hopelessness.  The Lord of the Rings dominated her life.  Besides, the movie was awesome; everyone said so.  Incredible, amazing, the best film ever.  The movie had a stellar cast, was created by an inspired director, and the computer graphics were to die for.  Not to mention the gorgeous actors!  She was obsessed with Orli.  Really, what more could a girl wish for? 

She normally wasn't so clumsy.  She was walking along when she saw a golden ring on the floor.  Feeling a thrill of anticipation, she bent to pick it up—but she tripped over something.  

Falling…

She never hit the floor.  Her eyes were closed but she was unafraid.  When she opened her eyes again, she was in a forest.  It was night.  Through the trees in front of her, she could see a small fire.  Two figures were sitting beside it, and Elf and a man that she recognized almost immediately.  Her sapphire eyes widened as she realized she had just landed in Middle-Earth.  Please don't let this be a dream, she thought desperately.  

That beautiful golden hair, the delicately pointed ears—it took her a moment to realize that she had fallen in love with him already.  So divinely handsome, such an awesome fighter!  She couldn't wait to hear him sing, too.    

She started making her way towards them…  

*          *            *            *            *            *            *            *

The companions sat beside the campfire.  Legolas was fletching some arrows with the stiff blue feathers that he had found the other day.  Aragorn was mechanically cleaning and sharpening his weapons, creating an annoying steely hiss of sound.  

There was a sudden loud crash to the right, as if something had blundered into a tree.  Aragorn put down his sword and stood up quickly.

"Did you hear that?" he muttered to Legolas.  "What was it?  An orc, perhaps?"  They looked around at their surroundings, but nothing seemed to be wrong.  There was no sign of what they had heard, but Legolas thought there was movement in the trees. 

"Must be an orc.  Who would be wandering out here tonight?" said Aragorn.   

"Clumsy orc," Legolas agreed unconcernedly.  "Or a dim-witted one, if he was separated from his band."  His keen Elven eyes finally spotted something far off.  He readied his bow with swift efficiency and fired.  The shadowy shape fell and Aragorn made as if to go confirm the orc had breathed its last.

"Leave it," the Elf said.  "I was making new arrows anyhow."  He gestured to the pile of feathers.  

Aragorn nodded his consent.  Legolas sat down again, resuming his careful work.  Feathers that were blue were hard to come by.  They would make exquisite arrows, and true ones, too.  He had just tested one out, after all.    

Meanwhile, Aragorn was finally satisfied with his careful inspection of his sword.  He spread out his cloak and laid back on it, staring up at the glimpses of the stars beyond the forest canopy.  Legolas was such an efficient archer; he really admired the Elf's abilities.  No clumsy orc could possibly ruin the lovely night now.      

~ Finis ~ 

A/N:  Please note that I'm not against Mary Sues in general (see "The Perfect War" on fictionpress.com, pen name EphemeraL DreaMs), but there are simply so many badly written 'falling into M-E' fanfics out there!  Anyway, please review.  

_ Thanks ~ E.D. _


	2. Falling Into Earth?

**Falling into…Earth? **

By ElveNDestiNy

5-9-04

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.

Notes: Twisted humor. Companion piece to "The Clumsy Orc," another parody on the clumsy people who just seem to fall into Middle-Earth every hour or so. Story inspired by the sheer amount of 'falling into M-E' stories in which the girl falls in love with Legolas, of course.

* * *

He was hunting. Legolas stood silent and unmoving in the woods, hard to distinguish from his surroundings. He was clad in brown and green, and the sunlight streaming through the forest canopy threw dappled shadows. Although his fair hair glinted in the light, the gold was just another part of the special enchantment of the forest.

_There_…his sharp eyes could make out the outline of a pheasant hidden in the brush. Legolas slowly reached behind him and drew an indigo-fletched arrow out of his quiver, and then nocked the arrow. Taking careful aim, he loosed the arrow and ran forward. The other pheasants in the nest exploded out in a flurry of wings even as he reached the nest. Legolas drew out the arrow from the bird and checked the tip for damage, finding none.

He bent to scoop up his now-dead quarry, and experienced the strangest sensation. The ground was pulling at him, forcing him forward and down. Before he realized it, he had tripped over something invisible.

Falling…

He never hit the floor. His eyes were closed but Legolas remained unafraid. Suddenly, he splashed into water. When he opened his eyes, they stung and he could only see that the water was a queer light blue, the bottom and the sides of the lake pure white. His nose registered an unknown scent. Legolas swam to the side and climbed out onto a rough grey surface, some stone that he had never seen before. He looked at the lake that he had fallen into but realized that it was only a large rectangular well in the ground filled with that unpleasantly scented water. His sapphire eyes widened as he realized he had just landed in some unfamiliar world. His clothes as well as weapons were sodden, so he stripped off some of his apparel, exposing his fair Elvish skin.

An abrupt noise alerted him and he realized that he might not be alone. Drawing his silver-white knives, he crossed them as he watched a figure approach him from behind a door with glass panes.

The door opened, and he was there in a flash, trapping the person's vulnerable throat between the crossed knives. When he saw her, Legolas struggled not to show his surprise. By the Valar, she was beautiful! Tall, more curvaceous that most female Elves, with full pouting lips and smoky, come-hither eyes. He had never seen anything like her in Middle-Earth. Maybe falling into this world is not so bad, after all…

Angelina stared at the apparition before her. Heavens, that bare-chested body was glorious! It could have rivaled any marble statue of a Greek God, let alone any of her male co-stars. She was so distracted she nearly forgot all about the knives poised to slice her throat. Yet by the time she had noticed, the knives had been lowered and sheathed.

"My lady," he said in a breathtakingly melodious voice. "I am Legolas of the Woodland Realm." The man bowed and then looked into her eyes, and she gasped as she finally saw him. Brilliant sapphire eyes, long golden hair with delicate braids, and exquisitely pointed ears. Woodland Realm? More like a fantasy come true. He was waiting expectantly and she realized that he knew nothing of her.

"My name is Angelina," she heard herself say shakily. _I'm a movie star_, she was on the verge of blurting out, but clearly that would have meant nothing to this enchanting creature from her dreams. The Elf smiled and they were lost in each other's eyes.

Love, indeed.

- Finis -

* * *

A/N: I don't think you really need to guess who "Angelina" is, but I didn't want any problems with real-person-fics or anything of the sort.If you understand the humor, well done. **Please review!**

- E.D.


End file.
